Friday, December 7, 2012

XMAS TIME !!!! 12/7/2012

Its Christmas this month and a lot of time has gone by from my last post....

hmmmm... this is so weird for me looking back because I feel so different now....

removed from the church last year and yet still cant take away my mormon past...

Regardless of my past however im sooooo not what I used to be lol... my touch with God and the connection I have with him is completely different then what it used to be...

Instead of asking god to change myself I now ask him to change others and their judgment towards me for being who I've always been, or acting how I've always wanted to act... as an honest frank and bluntly "gay" man, and PROUD of it !!! heh heh.....

Instead of asking god to change the mormon leaders decions or relying on them for answers I now look towards myself for the answers and what my heart tells me is true...

I no longer depend on the church and its views or decisions to make me happy...  I make my own happiness and create my own sense of being.

I'll admit I DO miss my old friends from church in the singles ward, however it seems once  I stopped going to church they no longer wanted or cared to hang around me anymore. And of coarse this all happened after having to get my name taken off since I wasn't going to hide the fact I was gay any longer. I was told that officially pursuing or being involved in a relationship with another man romantically would automatically call into question my membership status and worthiness, and that in the end a church hearing would have to be called... especially if all parties involved knew that I had no desire or plans to quit dating and suspected a degree of intimacy.

The only time my old friends in church  ever bothered to attempt to spend time with me was only to invite me to go back to church, or to hang out at a mormon function / dance / or event and never anywhere outside of that.... always stuck in the mormon bubble of things and never a relationship beyond or outside of that, lol.

How many friends could you say you truly have whom you've made or met through church if you no longer went to church anymore?... If everyone decided to label you as an "inactive" or an "other"? They may have started out still in contact and social, but after a while it seems to me they just find it easier to not hang out with you anymore or invite you to things... I feel as if they look at it saying to themselves, "You don't go to church anymore, but I do... therefor there's nothing left for you and I since you and I don't have church in common..."  

 I wish for once that any friends i make,
be it old church buddies or friends made at work or local meetups and groups etc... I just wish they would care enough about me! Even if I were to have quit my job at that particular work place, or even changed jobs or changed locations and had to make new friends etc, I'd have hoped that those friendships I made in the past would still remain friends... Isn't that what makes friendship so special between friends? That despite having different jobs or living apart from each other, or having different hobbies and social circles you still make time for one another?...

Anyways... I found this website ...

Its for gay mormons..... and if you click under CHAPTERS then you'll find local chapers/groups for local GAY MORMONS / EX-MORMONS

... I contacted a Group Directer and it turns out they have a group here in Sacramento once a month!

The  next group for Sacramento Gay Mormons is DEC. 17th 2012.

10 days left!!!!

Wish me luck!

P.S. ~ A whole bunch of mormon acquaintances on Facebook started trying to get me to look at a new mormon website for Gay Mormons and personally I find it just horrible.... DO NOT GO THERE!!! I went in with the expectation that things were finally better or that things were finally gonna be different and
I tried reading the info and web sources and statements there thinking it would shed new light on the matter or something... maybe even something I could show fellow mormons in hopes of getting them to accept those who are gay within the church and those who are LGBTQ around them... it turned out to be nothing but trash.

My take on it was on the surface it seems so positive and supportive etc, until you start to actually pay attention to the way they've worded it on there, or you actually start to pay attention to whats being said in all the videos that were put on there. Then you just become irritated because you realize it's nothing new and its still the same stance on the issue, just recycled to look *new*. Damn...

If you still want to see then go ahead and see for yourself....

Personally though  I think its an insult to anyone who is truly gay, especially those who are or were at one point "mormon"...

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!! I'll try to upload pics in my next post and show you the presents I get from SANTA!!!

LOVE YOU!!!!! ~~~~~


  1. Hey, I just found your blog, but I love this post! It sounds like you're in a really great place, mentally, emotionally, etc. Good for you. I especially like the insight about what you ask from/how you work with God. Oh, and I find myself in a similar position to you, glad to be moving along re: my conceptions of God, Mormonism, sexuality, etc., but sometimes missing the camaraderie of the church/singles ward. And totally agree on the new lame website. Anyway, thanks for sharing, and have fun at Affirmation!

  2. Mmm too bad I'm not in Sacramento anymore, I'd totally invite you over to cheer up! Did your blog used to have more or just start in August? I thought there was more.

  3. Evan, so, so, so glad to hear that you are feeling a little bit better about life in general. And yay for finding Affirmation! How was the meeting?

    You have a lot of people who truly care about you, although it may not seem like it. Hang in there!


  4. I am so glad you are feeling better. I was very worried.

    How did the Affirmation event go? Hopefully you met some wonderful people. Life will bring lots of new friends into your life and some old ones will surely mature and come back to you.