Sunday, September 9, 2012

Life Gets Better... at least... Im hoping it does...

So I cant post for long because I have to go soon... but I wanted you all to know that I am okay.

Right after that post, I had thought about killing myself...

Luckily I had also had the strength enough to call my therapist and she told me to have a friend take me to the Emergency Room.

He took me there within an hour and the next I knew they had placed me in a mental facility...

I was placed in Sierra Vista and then after four days or so was transferred to a Crisis house called Safe Harbor...

I was at safe harbor crisis house for about a week and a half before I relapsed and started cutting and scratching myself... also the last 3 days there I had constant anxiety, depression, and panic attacks so I guess I could say looking back that I kinda saw it coming lol.

Anyways... due to my relapse they then sent me back to the Emergency Room and this time they sent me to a facility in Vallejo called Saint Helena... I was there for two weeks before they finally released me ( and that was only due to having a shitty therapist there LOL otherwise I should have gone somewhere else...).

So... I got sent home with my therapist named Dr. Punia and he discharged me with saying " There is nothing I can do, If your suicidal and you want to hurt yourself here then your gonna be suicidal anywhere... So if your just gonna hang yourself or whatever here then you might as well do that at home because being here isnt much different."

I was FLOORED... I could NOT believe he just said that to me, straight to my face!!! If anything it made me wanna die even more!!! Needless to say, I called "Patient's Rights Advocate"... I should have tried to get him fired~ (just kidding?) but instead I called and complained to the spokes person over the phone and DID request never to have him again...

Also, after having that conversation with him that day I had an incident at the facility there (hanging attempt in the bathroom) and even then he STILL discharged me!!!!

So, here I am, at home, and after a few days I had another incident, only this time my brother woke up to me in the hall on the floor near his room at night scratching my arms... then later on that same night my grandma woke my parents because I had grabbed a knife from the kitchen and was going to cut my wrists...

They all talked to me and we all cried... I threw the knife on the floor and bawled my eyes out.... I didn't do it.

Tomorrow morning I go to I.O.P. (Intensive Outcare Program) and my parents and I are hoping it gets better and we are all hoping that it helps...

We will see....

I hope for my sake it does cause I cant go through this again...

Its been a nightmare, please keep me in your prayers as I am constantly struggling and in need of support in just getting by from day to day... Thankyou.